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Reasonable Expectations for Excellent Outcomes

I want to talk to you guys about commitment and realistic expectations when dating. To my Filipino friends I know you guys want a better life. Trust me I’ve seen the hardships that exist in this beautiful but corrupt country with self serving leaders. To my western friends I know you have a fantasy of the young man of your dreams that loves you for you and not just because of what they think you can give them. I want to let you guys know that both dreams can become a reality you just have to work for them. International marriage is real and can work! According to one study the divorce rate between American men women and Filipina women is only 20% verses the 50+% for American men with American women. International Marriages last longer

I’ve been dealing with gay men and counseling them on dating for years. The number one barrier I see for a lot of gay men who are unable to achieve a successful long term relationship is that they have unrealistic expectations. Many of them don’t even know what a real loving relationship looks like. Many of us, myself included, grew up in broken homes or homes where the marriage was a loveless one. A lot of us we think if we see him for more than one night or he actually comes back after the hook that that constitutes a relationship.

If we’re going to talk about real relationships we need to talk about being realistic. By realistic I mean what are you offering vs what are expecting. Are you just offering a young skinny, hairless, body that feels entitled to be taken care of? If so I’m going to tell you right now that your competition is fierce. There are plenty of young guys all over the world that feel entitled to a free ride in life because they have these characteristics. If this is all your riding on your chances of being selected are slim. When I was looking for a partner I literally got dozens of messages a day from cute guys with skinny bodies, cute faces, large penises, and everything in between looking for someone to take care of them. I ultimately rejected them all. Western guys looking for a real relationship want more than just a cute face and a skinny body. The guy I ultimately accepted into my life while yes he is skinny and cute he’s educated, hardworking, and has good values. You see there’s the person that a guy will just choose for fun and then there’s the person that a guy will actually take home to mom or back to his country. Often these are drastically different people. You need to decide which type of you guy you want to be.

On other side of the coin. Have you asked yourself what you have to offer the guys you are courting? I’ve seen many guys come to the Philippines brandish their western passports, get taken for a ride, and then can’t believe it happened to them. I mean Really?! Yes, having a western passport will open doors but what do you have to make them walk through and more importantly stay inside? The stereotype of the submissive Asian couldn’t be further from the truth. Passive aggressiveness is very real in Filipino culture. You can find hundreds of stories of guys that came to the Philippines, brought back a girl, and she ditched him as soon as she got her green card. Most of those men, in my opinion, deep down knew the girl never loved them in the first place but a minority I think were genuinely shocked. They shouldn’t be. What they should be asking is what did they have to offer that girl besides a green card? If a green card is the only thing you have to offer, then why would he stick around once he got it?

I’m personally am long term partnered with a Filipino and while we’ve been through a lot we love each other now more than ever. My father married a Filipina from the Philippines and they’ve been together for 14-15 years now. She could’ve ditched him long ago after she got her green card and then again after she got her citizenship. But she didn’t. My father told me there were hundreds of pretty girls wanting a green card but his wife was different. She was a hard worker, educated, not looking for someone to take care of her, and most importantly didn’t need him. My step mom didn’t leave once she got her papers because besides a green card my father is educated, a hard worker, and can think outside of the box. In other words, they both had something beyond the superficial to offer each other. That is the key to long term loving relationship.

What do you think? Is this article way off? Let us know in the comment section below!

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