‘Rebecca’ was a poor Filipina that was lured to Australia by her ex husband who proposed marriage after only three days of meeting her husband at a nightclub in Manila where she worked as an entertainer. She described horrid tales of abuse at the hands of her Australian groom. He made her work like a slave and continually embarrassed her in front of friends and neighbors
“One of the worst incidents was when Rebecca insisted they hold a barbecue for the neighbours, who had taken an interest in her. “I cannot describe to you …” she begins, her voice faltering for the first time. She describes how her husband insulted her in front of their guests, pointing to the steak and remarking, “She didn’t even know what that was until she came here … you should have seen how she lived.” Read more here
This represents but a small number of relationships. The vast majority of foreign Filipino relationships are loving and happy. While there are a small number of foreigners that come here to find someone they can abuse the majority just want love from a nice young man. There are signs, however, you can look for to avoid abusive foreigners and that’s what this article is about.
Sign 1: Offers you papers way too quickly. Foreigners are just as apprehensive about being scammed by a Pinoy as Pinoys are being abused/mistreated by a foreigner. Every foreigner has heard a story of a person that married someone from a developing nation that ditched him as soon as he/she got his papers. Therefore its highly unlikely a legitimate foreigner will offer you papers after only one or two dates.
Sign 2: Has had many failed relationships that are never his fault many people that are abusive have been abused themselves. They abuse others to spread the misery. if he’s talking about having had many many relationships that didn’t work out that can be a red flag. I’m not saying just because he was scammed before that means he’s a bad guy I’m just saying it should be suspicious that none of his relationships seemed to have worked out and every single guy he’s dated turned out to be an abominable person.
Sign 3: Always talks about what he wants you to do for him. Relationships should be give and take. At meetpinoys.com we don’t endorse Filipinos that just want to leech money or a visa. Nor do we endorse foreigners that just want a servant/maid. Its ok if he wants you to cook for him but he should be doing something for you as well.
Sign 4: Doesn’t respect you sexually. Sex is part of a healthy relationship. I strongly believe that we have a duty to sexually satisfy our partners if their needs are reasonable. What is reasonable? That’s for you to decide. However if he’s demanding sex or won’t take no for an answer that’s a really bad sign. If you’ve let him know you’re not the type of guy that spreads his legs after only one date then he should respect that. If not you may have an abuser on your hands.
Sign 5: Is quick to anger. Do the smallest things set him off? Maybe someone in front of him in line taking too long? Not getting the seat he wanted at a concert/movie theater? Anytime things don’t go his way he gets angry? Chances are good you’ve got an abuser on your hands.
Sign 6: Tries to keep you away from friends and family. An abuser wants to isolate his victim as much as possible. He’ll get jealous anytime you’re not with him. Many times its because he’s insecure. I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend here in the Philippines. He would get angry and jealous even if I was hanging out with 100% straight men.
Sign 7: Insults you: Abusers need to take away your confidence and they do that by insulting you and making you feel like they are your only option. When I first arrived to the Philippines I was pretty heavy. But the Philippine lifestyle of not having a car made me lose weight pretty quickly. My ex than began to insult me because I was losing weight and gaining confidence. He told me my head looked disproportionate to my body and that I looked funny now that I was thinner. I didn’t realize until later that this was a form of abuse designed to keep me with him.
Sign 8: Is willing to be a sugar daddy. Remember what I said earlier about relationships being about give and take? Very few men are willing to be sugar daddies except to dominate and control. In some ways I have no sympathy for those that use their bodies to get money and take advantage. If you just want to be a leech you get what you deserve
You can avoid abusive relationships by looking for guys on legitimate social/dating sites I don’t recommend looking for legitimate love on anonymous sites/apps like grindr or craigslist. Why should someone legitimately looking for love be afraid to show their face or real name? Do you really want to deal with a guy so far in the closet he won’t post his picture or name on a legitimate gay dating site?